The Paradox of Pouring Out

After being thrown into the role of "Soccer Program Director" at the brink of the Fall soccer season, I must say that a situation that could have been very disastrous and overwhelming (I didn't - and still kind of dont :) - know what I was doing...) has become very fruitful and encouraging. I have spent my Friday nights and entire Saturdays driving all over Birmingham to the various fields attending and coaching games for my kids.

To be honest, entering into this job, the concept of spending countless hours at the fields with the kids seemed a bit like an obligation. But with each week, event and interaction with one of my kids or their families, I can't seem to get enough. Relationships are not obligations. It is not a relationship if it feels like an obligation. Thank you, Jesus, for molding my heart in such a way that I want nothing more than to just be around these kids.

BUSA Shootout Tournament weekend, Oct. 10-11:

I got to drive the girls to the games in the ministry van (experience in driving my family's conversion van in high school has shown its worth here... ;). We played 2 games, went to Zaxby's for lunch and "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" in between the games. After an exhausting day of coaching and 10 hours of 9 screaming LOUD girls, I was completely exhausted on our drive back. The girls had not lost an ounce of energy after such a full day, but despite feeling so lacking in energy, I could do nothing but smile and laugh at the chaos that was still so present. In this moment, I could fully attest to the patience, joy and peace of Christ Himself. He bestows that upon us when we need it most and when we have done all that we could to pour ourselves out to His children. An evening where my flesh was completely empty, my spirit was completely full and alive.

Relationships are real. They take work. But the paradox of following Christ is that when we give ourselves fully - physically, emotionally, mentally - we are given Him fully. Pouring ourselves out only makes us more full than we could ever imagine to be.

Reflection after 1 month (9/13/09)

Here is my update I wrote in an email to close friends and family from the end of my first month:

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Well it has been an AMAZING first month of life in Birmingham and at NorthStar Youth Ministries. I have definitely faced challenges and have often felt burdened and discouraged, but the Lord has been so good in providing me eternal encouragement through His Word and time with His community that He has blessed me with here.

This past weekend was the start of our fall soccer games. Our U8 games were cancelled Friday night due to crazy Bham rain, but we got to play on Saturday. I felt "Camp All-American Val" come alive for the 5 1/2 hours I was there and LOVED every minute of getting to coach these kids. Its so weird being on the "coaching side" of rec soccer (by the way, I got invited to a soccer coaches' shindig a couple weeks ago where I would have been hanging out with people who coached ME growing up...crazy!?!) Im figuring out through practices that coaching is a bit harder than it may seem, which is weird considering the fact that I played for 14 years. With all the logistics concerning team rosters, communication to parents, and getting my "stuff" together as the soccer program director, I am learning/have learned how much I don't know and how much I cannot control. There are moments when I feel SO inadequate, humbled, and like Im in over my head, but its those moments when the Lord has reminded me that it is not me but Him who causes all things to happen and work together as they do. Good or bad, its the Lord's doing and its His glory that should be recognized. Im thankful that I have His Spirit which has compelled me to take initiative and seek to be His "hands and feet" here at NorthStar.

Im spending one day a week eating lunch with my kids at one of the elementary schools where a bunch of them go. I love getting to know these kids, and the love I feel for them is purely from above...I feel like I have 85 kids of my own who I want to see grow in the grace and truth of our Lord. And NorthStar is receiving great exposure - we have been in the West and South side news sections of the Birmingham News for the growth and my hiring in the soccer program! Wednesday I was invited to be a guest attendant with a law firm to the Alabama Humanities Annual Awards Banquet. The keynote speaker is the author of the book, "Outcasts United," which is about a refugee soccer team in Clarkston, Ga. Im thrilled to get to represent NorthStar at such a "prestigious event" :)

Paul and I have been working through communication differences...We have identified our different personality types and the balance/compromising that the two of us need to make in order to effectively communicate as a "team." We are both open and willing to work through it to sharpen (and humble) each other throughout the process of reaching that balance. He has never worked with anyone full-time at NorthStar before, and I have never worked a "job" (outside of CAA :) ...the Lord clearly has intentional and greater purpose than what was expected in my time here, and much of that is coming out in mine and Paul's communication experiences.

I have been going to the girls Juvenile Detention Center and have spent time with one girl who was there back in November. We have had the opportunity to build a solid relationship through the foundation of Christ, and it has been amazing to see her grow. One of the biggest differences about my time at juvy, and in Birmingham overall, is the way the Lord has opened my eyes, mind and heart to seek solution to the injustice and oppressive situations that people are in, specifically young girls. There is so much in the darkness that people, including myself, will turn away/run from. But we, as the body of Christ, are responsible to praying for these people/situations and looking after those He puts in our lives. I look forward to continuing to learn about the city of Birmingham through my juvy friends, and I hope to be a vessel of hope for them when they are sent home.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. It's amazing to experience the Lord encourage me through His body.

Reflection from Week 1 (8/14/09)

After my first week here (back in August), I sent an email to close family and friends with an update of my week's experiences...here is what I sent:

Friday, August 14, 2009

Well I have made it through my first week of "work" - I can hardly call it a "real world job" because I am doing something that I am so passionate about. But before I even begin to describe what this week has been, I hope and pray that each of you will realize that we are individually created with gifts and a purpose to do "specifics" in the name of the Lord in our time here. Not that I have found my exact "life calling" or that I know everything that I was created to do, but after one week with NorthStar Youth Ministries, I feel pretty confident that this is exactly where the Lord has me for the time being. I have found what makes me "tick," what moves my heart toward compassion and what energizes me to do and act in a way that only the Spirit can lead.

The NorthStar Soccer Program has huge potential for VERY positive impact in West Birmingham. To give you an idea of the demographics, 55 percent of the general area around NorthStar earns an annual income of less than $20,000. The NorthStar fall soccer season costs $20 for U6, $30 for U8, $40 for U9/10, and $50 for U12. Upon the "closing" of registration today (very loosely stated...), we had about 1/4 of the payments made for the kids participating. I have "inherited," so-to-speak, a program with a mission and vision to provide opportunity to kids to just get out there and be a part of something that will impact their lives in a positive way. However, the follow-up on payments by participants can often be a challenge, and it is my job to ensure that funds are raised to bring in not only program expenses, but also scholarships for players who cannot pay.

Along with this realization throughout the week, I was able to organize all of our registrations, interact with the kids and their families Monday night (at the "Welcome Coach Val/Registration Party), write a rough-draft mission statement and vision statement for the soccer program, and begin to make contacts with area soccer programs for advice/help in ensuring my kids will get a quality soccer experience at NorthStar. There is much work to be done - a LOT of organizing is needed - and I have been jotting down idea after idea to take this program in the right direction...both structurally and spiritually.

Another thing that has hit me hard is the fact that I have (materially) so much…why!?!? Why do some have so much when others have so little. Whether it be financially and materially, or even just simply relationally and opportunely, it just doesn’t seem fair. I was extremely convicted this week, especially today as Friday, with the fact that I am walking around this ministry with my iphone, mac and Nikon camera when people are struggling just to sign their kids up for the cheapest soccer league in the city. This world is so broken and off-kilter. Oh Lord, never let me live in a place and state of mind where I am blind to this!

Also, I am realizing how much I really need to be around people. I nearly went crazy today after spending much of the day by myself in the office working on miscellaneous things. Yes, I was productive, but when the time rolled around for me to meet with Paul, I was DONE. I need to be able to meet with him at the end of the day for a "day-concluding update meeting," but I felt drained from being "alone at the office"...I think that's the extrovert in me. All I needed this afternoon was a good run and evening hang out time.

I realize too how much this big change in life is taking out of me emotionally, mentally and physically, though I do feel the Lord has led me through sweet time spiritually. I forgot my pin number earlier this week, I really don’t have as much of a crazy appetite as I normally do, and Im DYING to run everything out of my system when I get home…we’ll see how I feel in couple of weeks when Im more settled…

In my time with the Lord this week, He revealed to me verses in Colossians that I must set my mind and heart on throughout my time with this ministry, and I ask you to participate in prayer with me/for me with this scripture in mind:

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

- Colossians 4:2-6

Birmingham. NorthStar. REAL Life.

Well I finally feel like life has become "reality" in Birmingham. And just as that "feeling" has settled in, the craziness that I have grown accustomed to over the past 4+ years (and that was honestly MIA for the past month and a half) has returned.

I have taken on the role as "Soccer Program Director" for NorthStar Youth Ministries and have received amazing experience and exposure to life in ministry and in the non-profit realm in the two short months that I have been working here. Paul and I have been learning how to work together as the "staff of NorthStar," and I have been given full reign to go and do as the Lord leads. I am slowly realizing that "urban ministry" requires life investment, and I am more than along for this ride.

What an amazing opportunity!?! To get to call "work" eating lunch with kids one day a week at Princeton Elementary, overseeing soccer practices two nights a week, spending time with 9 & 10 year old kids Tuesday afternoons, making connections with both corporate and non-profit "professionals" in the Birmingham area, getting invited to Birmingham events just because my picture was in the paper, planning and living through a "real" Birmingham soccer tournament, taking one of my soccer players to Hotcakes at McDonalds...and the list goes on. This is life-on-life work and ministry put into one. And this is my job.

Paul has donned me "Social Media Guru," so here goes this blog...

"'It is not for your sake that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name'...says the Lord."

- Ezekiel 36:22

May He receive all glory and honor through this adventure that He has placed me on! NorthStar is growing, and so am I.