Yielding to His Will

From my devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young:

"Expect to encounter adversity in your life, remembering that you live in a deeply fallen world. Stop trying to find a way that circumvents difficulties. The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for Me. When you became a Christian, I infused My very Life into you, empowering you to live on a supernatural plane by depending on Me.

Anticipate coming face to face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond your ability to handle. This awareness of your inadequacy is not something you should try to evade. It is precisely where I want you - the best place to encounter Me in My Glory and Power. When you see armies of problems marching toward you, cry out to Me! Allow Me to fight for you. Watch Me working on your behalf, as you rest in the shadow of My Almighty Presence."

- Rev. 19:1; Psalm 91:1

For whatever reason, the last few months in ministry have been HARD. Perhaps it's because I've had little "face time" with the kids and families I'm serving...maybe because I've felt alone in my planning and working efforts...maybe spiritual warfare and the enemy using the latter two circumstances to run me down and wear me out...maybe restlessness for what the Lord has next -- I honestly have NO IDEA. The trouble is now in moving forward into the season with enthusiasm and excitement - at my core I have never been more excited to start the season as I am right now...It's been building up in me and the desire to "get my hands dirty" in hard and busy work is overwhelming.

But on the flip side, I've learned a lot about myself in these last few months - recognized sins that have been hiding in the crevices of my life; realized my desire to have things to be "perfect" and exactly how I want them, which will never be the case on this side of heaven. I honestly have realized how much I've been trusting in my own will and judgement rather than yielding to the Lord's on a daily basis.

So now it's one day at time - finally in a season where I've known and experienced depth of relationships, fruit in ministry and hard work day in and day out. But as far as the big picture goes...yielding to the Lord and resting in the shadow of His Presence, as the devotional above reads, on a daily and weekly basis. Following His will and focusing on His guidance for my life.

Long Time...Now Returned!!

Well the past few months have been absolutely crazy. Spring is always a choppy season, and I tend to feel like Im all over the place anyways, but adding wedding planning (really, the biggest life transition I've experienced) on top of the Spring season led blog updating to be put on hold for the season.

Unfortunately, that kept me from writing about one of the most fruitful (if not THE MOST fruitful) seasons of ministry I've ever experienced! I wish I could tell of every detail (even remember every detail), but what I do know and remember is that the Word was taught. Seeds were spread and the Lord made much of the soil fertile. Personal relationships built between me and so many of the U10 girls players were more energizing than any "event," gift, drug, whatever one might turn to for an uplifting experience. Between soccer 3-4 days a week and Tuesday Group, I spent more time with this team than I ever have. Walls were torn down between me and certain individuals, the Lord opened the door for life lessons to be taught, and lasting Kingdom impact was had on me and the team as a whole.

Then the tornado hit, forcing a quicker end to the soccer season and ministry activity than what was planned. There were only a few NorthStar families directly/indirectly impacted, but the community as a whole gathered around those who lost everything and we were able to pray, provide and encourage in such a difficult situation.

Summer 2011...what a time. The wedding was more than perfect - honestly like a dream to me - and then I hit the ground running in June with Camp NorthStar, quickly followed by Samford Soccer Camp for two weeks, then a strong finish through the end of Camp NorthStar. It's been a challenging couple of weeks for me. I've wanted so badly to be fully invested in Camp, pouring myself out to the kids and staff, helping to solve issues and proactively taking steps to make sure everything was being taken care of, yet that was not my job this summer. My job has been to FOCUS on planning the Fall soccer season and overall soccer program, as well as Bible Camp time in the afternoon. On a personal note, my main investment in ministry is to my HUSBAND, whom I've been married to for almost 2 months! Building a strong foundation to our marriage has been a top priority!!

In the context of ministry and marriage, I'll close this post with a "spiritual thought" -> I have found myself to be "useless," a "failure," and "ineffective" according to my standards this summer. However, the Lord has opened my eyes to the fact that whether in a fruitful ministry time (like last spring!) or a lull, my work before him is like filthy rags. I have NOTHING to offer Him - EXCEPT...my heart. In the same way, my cooking efforts have been a FAIL, our apartment is lacking decorations and comfort, and I've straight up been lacking in Joy at times in my marriage, and yet Carson married me for ME, not for all those things! Marriage is teaching me that my bigger issue is attempting to find success and acceptance in what I do, rather than who I am before the Lord (and the state of my heart). I cannot control my life - the Lord can. Oh I can resist His control and try harder and harder to manage my own situations, but in the end, it is the Lord who holds my life in the palm of His hands, and my submission to Him is what He desires.

So I'm eager to enter into another season of ministry at NorthStar Soccer Club this Fall - with a heart open to serving the Lord wherever and however He calls me, yet acknowledging through it all that it is not my deeds that justify me but rather my open heart to serve Him. And I'm excited to continue in this "newlywed" season of life, with a husband to serve and love and realize that I am loved by him for who I am, not what I can do for him!

Encouragement

The past few weeks have brought "breaths of fresh air"...not only has the weather been AWESOME (with the exception of the day of our 3v3 tournament when it SNOWED!!!), but getting back out on the soccer field with the kids and into "youth group" ministries has reminded me of why I am where I am. It is a genuine joy and privilege to get to do sports, groups, and hang out times with a lot of the kids and families who I've grown close to in my time here at NorthStar, and depth of relationships is now leading way to sharing the Word in a more intentional and planned out way.

The "organic development" of Tuesday Group and Friday Group structure this semester has been a really cool thing to watch unfold. After three semesters of purely "hang out time" at Tuesday Group, we are now still doing "fun" things, but at the end of every activity we are sitting down and learning about God being the Great "I AM" and Jesus being the "explanation" of God through His "I am..." statements in his time on earth. While it's hard to say whether or not the girls are "getting it" right now, there is no doubt in my mind that we are planting seeds and opening minds to truth as we go along. I've had a mindset of "big picture teaching," which is what I think kids definitely need in the context of learning "bible stories" and the Character of God.

Friday Group has formed this semester with the 5th graders who used to be involved with Tuesday Group. God is "one step ahead" (actually knows the whole story but has proved it in this situation) by providing a place for the 5th graders to transition into in preparation for Middle School next year. God laid it on the hearts of some volunteers from Samford to start a Middle School Youth Group. Instead of recruiting all new kids, we've transitioned the 5th graders out of Tuesday Group and into their own group, with intentions to carry it on next year with them to Middle School and become and "official" middle school youth group! We are memorizing the Beatitudes and learning/walking through each verse as we go along -- definitely a GREAT way to share the Word with the kids on a weekly basis.

While all this fruitful activity has been going on/happening, the enemy Satan has definitely tried to foil plans and productivity. Whether it be with one individual kid who has been/is being pulled away from the group or group challenges as a whole, there are definitely obstacles to overcome. But Jesus has overcome the world and all evil, therefore, we have nothing to worry about or be afraid of.

Im eager to see what the Lord does in individual lives, as well as big picture ministry this Spring...to God be ALL GLORY!

Regaining Focus

Some seasons of life call for serious re-evaluation. Others you can just walk through with confidence and evidence of fruit. The last 3 months have definitely been a time of restructuring and re-evaluation. NorthStar Soccer is becoming more and more of my sole focus here at the ministry. Not that I don't care or I'm not concerned with other areas of the ministry, but I have recently felt a strong conviction to "simplify" my life in MANY areas, especially in the context of work and ministry. Going a mile deep rather than a mile wide with my time and efforts is leading me to a clear vision of what could be effective ministry.

As I plan for the Spring season, I have taken drastic steps at NorthStar, such as:

• Step down from my role as the MARS League Administrator
• Pull out of a prominent role at Camp NorthStar
• Prayerfully plan and think through a curriculum and "theme" for NorhtStar Soccer
• Plan different ways to consistently reach current soccer kids
• Recruit both financial and volunteer support for NorthStar Soccer as a whole

It is unlike me to "back down" from something because it is more than I can handle and/or pushes me too hard. Im thankful for the strength I've been given the past few months to discern what is too much and what is not enough to find a healthy balance in work and life overall. Often, less is more, and over the past few months, I have seen the truth to this statement. This spring will hold a LOT as I move into my third season as NorthStar Soccer Club Director, co-direct the second annual 3v3 tournament, and on a personal note, plan a wedding!! It is a personal challenge to me to "Regain FOCUS" in 2011 by simplifying what is going on and move forward in a prayerful and intentional way to make the most of every opportunity while providing QUALITY soccer training and programing to the kids at NorthStar.

Pray that the Lord encourages my heart and strengthens my steps as I walk forward into the 2011 Spring Soccer season!!